Randomings of January.

Nostalgia is the devil.

I'm serious and this is why. It seems so harmless at first. A little memory here, a chuckle about an embarrassment there and wham-o kablam-o you're on your face getting so mad that you aren't where you thought you'd be. And the thing is it doesn't matter how good or bad your past was! You can be nostalgic about the past when things sucked or when they were great but at the end of the day, you'll most likely end up on the train to "how'd I get here"-land and there are a lot of residents but NO ONE wants to stay there. Unfortunately, a lot of people do stay there, because they can't get out on their own.

I'm not nostalgic though...today, at least. It's only January 10 so it still feels like a new year; what is there to be nostalgic about? We just got here!

Anywho, I'm ready for something new. I'm ready for extraordinary. I used to be afraid that I was the only one who thought that way. That I was the only weird kid on the block who didn't believe her life was supposed to end in working the 9-5 job with a nice house and cute family. I thought I was the only one who couldn't picture a future of normalcy because it didn't feel right. Now, in talking with friends my age, I'm beginning to fear that everyone thinks that way. Is this a generational thing or do I just surround myself with people who are extraordinary dreamers? This isn't actually a rhetorical question either. Can someone please tell me if there are people in this world (20 somethings mainly) whose lives would feel complete if they simply worked a regular job and went home at 5 everyday to their nice little homes. Seriously, does someone still dream that way? I don't mean to make it sound trivial, it's a respectable desire, it really is. I guess I can't step away from the fact that it's totally not what I want, or at least I don't think it's what I want.

Wait.

Maybe at 20 something our parents thought this way? Are your mid-twenties the years where you're supposed to dream like that? And then eventually you either Peter Pan it and stay dreaming or you buckle down and grow up and start living a life of responsibility? Someone, anyone, help me out.

I'd like to take the time to apologize for my first statement and do a little revision. Nostalgia is not the devil. But if you let it go too far, I think it'll do more harm than good.

*Insert heavy sigh* I'm writing this blog on my break from my 9-5 job (that I actually do enjoy, but still). I know the answer at the end of it all is Jesus; I just needed to get it out of my head and onto [virtual] paper.

I can't believe I actually used the words "wham-o kablam-o".

I'm embarrassed and impressed all at the same time.

The obligatory end of the year post

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

Goodbye 2013.

You've been good to me.

2013 was not, by any means, the easiest year but it was a year of so much growth for me.

I learned the freedom of vulnerability. I learned how to trust my instincts. I learned how to be a better friend (still working on it) and in turn gained some of the greatest friends I think I've ever had.

I learned a lot about my weaknesses and how far I still have to go. I learned how to accept grace. I learned how to lead others. I learned how to have a good attitude. I learned that I'm more selfish than I thought. I learned that I'm broken (and that it's okay). I learned how to worship. I learned how to genuinely love the presence of God. I learned how to heal. I learned that there is power in love. I learned that my life experiences, though slightly regrettable, are beneficial in relating to others. I learned how perfect God's timing is. I learned how to grieve with others. I learned how to be treated. And above all else, I learned that no matter what happens, God is ALWAYS faithful.

This year had it's ups and downs but at the end of it all, God was always there. I felt an abundance of hope this year. And even as a new year begins, I can say with certainty that I know God is faithful to complete all he said he would. It's easy to think of a new year as new hope, but I look with hope because of all of the good God has done in 2013. There's no 'wishful thinking' needed when Christ is at the center. Christ is hope. So here's to 2014 because it will be filled with the hope that Christ brings, his never ending abundance of love and the promises of his word fulfilled.

Happy New Year.

quick status

Well HELLO 6 months time. I haven't written a single thing in 6 months, and for that I am a bit ashamed but I'm here now so you can quit your yammerin.

I'm here to tell you that everything is alright. I'm doing alright. I'm not doing anything much different than I was 6 months ago. There are really no new developments. Sorry to disappoint.

I played my guitar for the first time in a VERY long time. My fingertips are sore but my heart is full. The guitar is still a bit dusty but it's tuned! I can't explain the sheer joy I get from making music; there is something that just clicks with everything in the world when I sing and I just don't get that feeling from anything else. When I sing, nothing else in the world matters. Stress disappears, anger dissipates, worry subsides and it is just me and my guitar/piano/instrumental track/silence and nothing else and it's perfect. There's a release that happens when I'm singing in my "sweet spot" that I can't even explain. Even if I could, I probably wouldn't for fear of sounding too cheesy. I have this secret love for all things cheesy and emotional but an I have an even bigger part of me that is embarrassed by people who put that cheesiness/emotion on display (mostly theatre kids or high school girls who think they're in love) so I'll refrain from the sappiness for the time being.

I realized something the other day that kind of shocked me. I'm afraid of A LOT. That's not what shocked me though, I already knew that. I was surprised that one of those fears includes hanging out with people for the first time one on one. I'm not just talking about romantically, I mean just regular old friendships or anything that includes just me and another person. I'm so afraid that the other person won't think I'm fun! I always feel legitimately uneasy about the first time and then eventually when I do hang out one on one, I just keep talking and act super awkward. I've just noticed it recently and I really hate it. Random and ridiculous, I know but I needed to get it off my chest and into cyberspace.

I have plenty more to share but I'm pretty tired and the old thinker doesn't do to well with exhaustion so I'm going to take my grandma self to bed and hopefully do some more blogging this week. I very much miss this. I'll be back though, I promise.

Goodnight <3>

WRITE IT OUT

I wrote a letter yesterday to myself as if I were to have written in 10 years ago. Some names have been censored to protect the innocent. Enjoy.

February 21, 2003

Dear Future Sabrina,

Teehee. It’s so weird to think that you’re going to be reading this! All I have to say is: you’re so lucky! You’re going to be 25 which means you probably live in your own really cool house and have a really hot husband. Hopefully. I don’t know about the boy department now because I’m more of the friend-girl. I mean, I don’t really care all that much, because I like hanging out with my friends but it would be kind of fun to have a boyfriend. Oh my gosh, it’s freaky to even think about! Whatever, I hope you’re enjoying your life.

Let’s see, what am I up to these days? Well, I’m a freshman in high school, but I’m almost done. I only have one more quarter after this and I’ll finally be out of the bottom. Ugh, oh my gosh, I just thought about the fact that you can DRIVE! How is it? I bet it’s the best. Sometimes I hate having to be dropped off places or even worse, having to take the bus! I hate it! There are NO cute boys to talk to and none of my friends take the bus I take! Stupid R*** and J*** are moving away soon so I won’t even have them to talk to or pretend to talk to. I’ll have to listen to all the crazy kids who, like drink and party, talk about their weekends where all they did was do bad stuff. I don’t do any of that stuff. I really want a “true love waits” purity ring because I’m going to stay a virgin until I’m married, I’m never going to drink or do drugs or smoke or do any of that bad stuff because I love God and I want to be obedient to him.

So what’s your life like? Well obviously you can’t answer me back so I’ll write what I imagine your life to be. I definitely think you, well I, have a really cool life. I’m sure I’m married, maybe pregnant, you have your master’s degree and I am working on becoming the boss for wherever I work. Do I end up marrying S****? I kind of hope so, and I actually feel like we would be perfect for each other. He’s nice and cute and well, he isn’t very nice but he’s nice enough and even though I haven’t seen him in awhile, I think we would work. I’m going to imagine that’s what happened. Sabrina A*****. I always used to write that name in my notebooks so it’s funny (though it makes sense) that that’s the name you (I) end up with. I’m sure I’ve seen Justin Timberlake a million times in concert and he probably fell in love with me because evil Britney Spears broke his heart. Yeah, that probably happened, teehee.

Is Jordan still really annoying? He probably is because I’m pretty sure it’s the purpose of brothers to be annoying to their sisters. I guess I kind of lucked out with my brother though. He’s not as annoying as he could be. He never tries to read my diary or fart on me nor does any gross brother stuff. I am pretty lucky (he’s still annoying though). He’s way better than B*** or S**; maybe not better than L*** or N***. Oh man, N***is so cute, but he’s always at his mom’s house. Dumb.

Anyway, I hope your life, well my life, has turned out exactly the way we’ve always wanted. I know God is in control and whatever I do, as long as I’m obedient, I’ll be doing his will and as long as I do his will, my life will be perfect. Thanks for being you/me. I’ll do my best to make it easier to have a good life when I’m older by doing good stuff now. Love us! Teehee.

Yours (and mine) truly,

Sabrina (well DUH)



...his grace is sufficient for me.

This is a little diddy I just wrote and posted on tumblr. Enjoy.

___________________________

I'm a screw up; a royal mess maker.

I am selfish, prideful, and have a bad attitude.

I do dumb things, i make rude comments and i think hateful thoughts.

I let my flesh take over, i ignore what is right and i indulge in negativity.

I am unlovable, intolerable and despicable.

I am imperfect beyond belief. I am CRAP.

⁸ "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Selah.

No seriously, think about it.

I am of NO USE to God. I could not be more flawed, yet Christ chose to die to save my insignificant, imperfect, unnecessary life.

WEEPING. literally every time i read that verse.

There is something I'm really good at. I am amazing at beating myself up for all the things i do wrong. I can honestly say, at the end of the day, I am my biggest critic. I can flaunt and act arrogant as if i could give two flying sh*ts about what mistakes I make or what people think about me but the truth is, i die inside. I carry ridiculous weights of guilt, doubt, insecurity and shame with me. Now, this is not to minimize the struggle of anyone else or to say that I am the only one who "deals with" whatever, but I am saying I am flawed and know it.

Do not misread this as a pity party or feel worried about my state of mind. For there is something in me that is stronger than any load I may carry.

⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12

My skills and abilities are not enough. My faith and belief are not enough. My good deeds are not enough.

NOTHING I DO IS ENOUGH.

The only thing that is ENOUGH is God's grace. By God's grace I am free, forgiven and made flawless, that is, perfect. Only in Him can I boast.

Paul wrote 2 Corinthians. Yes, Paul who preached the gospel to millions. Paul who raised up influential leaders. (And yes, Paul, who pre-salvation dedicated his life to the demise of Christians). PAUL, said his WEAKNESS was his strength. Not his encounters with God, not all the time he spent preaching the word, and not his power or influence. He had no reason to brag on how great he was because he would literally be nothing without God's grace.

Holy crap. That's what I am.

Crap made holy by the grace of God himself.

I am weak and praise God I am because his power may rest on me and make me whole.

Jesus told me, his grace is sufficient for me.

gotta get back.

Where are my original thoughts?
Why are my posts lists of things i love or hate?
Where's the honesty and realness this blog used to posess?
So what if my writing sucked; this blog is for feelings, creativity and openness.
Where are my feelings?
Where is my creativity?
Where is the openness?

I'm gonna try to get back to that.
I'm better when I'm vulnerable.

OBSESSIONS.

The ukulele.

There's a huge part of me that just feels like leaving my old life behind, moving to Hawaii and starting over as an island girl. Until I'm able to do that, Hawaiian music will have to tide me over which is why I've been listening to a lot of Hawaiian music lately. There's just something so soothing about the ukulele. It makes me think of better days (which I'm assuming is still to come) and I feel like if I learn it, I'll be more successful at my island girl ways.

 

Local musicians.

You guys, I am totally serious about this right now. I've always wanted to be that girl that like, lives in a tiny little apartment downtown above a small boutique or coffee shop and spends all her time writing and playing music with random neighbors who live in the tiny apartment next door. Unfortunately, I chose the stupid route of college and now have to work an 8-5 job to pay off my student loans. Local musicians though, and especially the ones in Ventura actually are living out this fantasy of mine. I've been spending a lot of time watching Ventura musicians on youtube and have been going to the local coffeehouse that has live local music (Zoey's-my serious new favorite spot). I feel so cool being there and so inspired (and slightly jealous) of these people that get to spend their time doing what I love. 

Here's a local musician that I'm totally vibing with right now.

Jade Hendrix.

 

 

the double standard (that no one cares about)

This is a list of things a guy can do and still be hot; and things that if a girl did, there would be judgmental and disgusted eyes directed at her.

Pour a bag of chips(or anything from a bag for that matter) into his mouth. The amount of times I've seen this done is a little bit disappointing. Is it so difficult to put your hand inside the bag as opposed to tipping the bottom and pouring CRUMBS down your gluttonous gullet? Honestly, if you can't pick the pieces up using your hands, are they really worth the effort to eat? I'm sorry, I'm being dramatic. But take a walk with me down imagination lane, and picture Reese Witherspoon (freakin' "girl next door") gobbling a bag of family sized, French Onion flavored Fritos (I LOVE ALLITERATION!) with the bottom up with only 3/4 of the crumbs actually making it into her mouth? You think it's sexy? You're gross! Oh...you think it's gross? Oh okay, you're normal. Well, one of the male DA's at work did this and we made eye contact after he did it. I lost ZERO respect for him and I still think he's hot.

Scratch inappropriate areas. By inappropriate, I mean anywhere a modest bikini would cover (except for, like, the shoulders and back...I'm not a communist-idk.) I hope I don't have to explain this one too in depth. Men, on NATIONAL TELEVISION, itch, scratch, pick and tug inappropriately all the time! They know they're being watched and they simply don't care. Not only that, BUT WE WATCH THEM! Why is there no ridicule for these shameless actions? Because they're men. God forbid Ana Kournikova scratch or itch somewhere and get caught on camera! That business would be all up on TMZ with some witty slash rude headline that creatively combines her name with the word nasty ( Kourniko-nasty? Nope. Whatever. Shut up! I'm not TMZ!).

Spit. This might be the most disgusting thing in the entire world. I don't know many women who don't think the same thing, therefore, making me so confused as to why guys still do it! Athletes are always hawking loogies (I literally just gagged even typing out that phrase) and today on y lunch break, some guy just spit on the sidewalk mid-stride and just kept walking! NO! Absolutely not. I dare Beyonce to spit and strut, although, she is Queen B and she can do most anything and still be amazing, spitting is where I draw the line. Not only is Beyonce too classy for spit, (she probably doesn't have salivary glands; is that a thing?) but if anyone were to ever witness such a horrible act, she would be Beyonc-EW (that one was better, yeah?).

Anyway, its a double standard. I'm still deciding if it's a double standard that I care to change or not because let's face it, I'm not all that interested in spitting or adjusting or anything else boys do that's so gross. Nevertheless it needed to be brought to someone's attention.

I know it's weird but...

I'm the 4th weirdest person I know (the other 3 are some of my old college roommates). I do A LOT of weird things, particularly when I'm alone (you know, to keep other people from knowing how weird I ACTUALLY am). In speaking to a coworker, I've found out that I'm not as weird as I think I am. Well okay, actually I'm still weird but I found out she's just as weird because she's done some of the same things. Anyway, I've decided, against my better judgment, to share some of the weird things I do. Try to relate, if you can't, at least try not to judge.
I know it's weird but...

...I pretend I'm blind to see how well my other senses work. This is actually kind of practical, really. What happens if I, in some freak accident, lost my sight. Guess who would know how to get from the front door of my apartment to the bathroom in my apartment...THIS GIRL! Honestly, the only reason I consider this weird is because of the look my supervisor gave me when she caught me twice in one day trying to blindly navigate my way from the hallway to the restroom.

...When I'm driving and a sad song comes on, I pretend to be in a music video. There's a lot of pondering looks out the window and plenty of "fighting back tears" looks; I've gotten really good at it.

...I like to talk in a British accent to strangers. This comes as no surprise if you know me AT ALL. I kind of do it all the time, even to people who aren't strangers. Like maybe too much. Okay I probably should cut back on the accent. Sorry guys.

...I haven't done this in awhile but when I have a jam session at home by myself, I'll act as though I'm putting on a concert (yes, to a non-existent audience). They love me.

...If i come home to an empty house, I act like I'm in a scary movie. I don't always let this one go too far because sometimes i actually get scared. I guess I'm just that good, so...

...Often times I have like 5 minutes to pack or get ready for something, so as I stuff things into a bag, I constantly look over my shoulder as if waiting for my violent husband to put his hand on my shoulder and ask "where do you think you're going?" i.e. ENOUGH, SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY.

...Pretty much anytime I have to type, I pretend to be entering some secret code to hack into some secret database. Yes, I'm doing this right now, as I type this blog.

...Sometimes in the bathroom (only at my house) I'll pretend to be a guest on a talk show. Of course when I enter the bathroom there's a room full of people clapping and screaming for me and I'm waving and blowing kisses to the audience (I'm contemplating not putting this in here because it's so embarrassing). And obviously in this "pretending" I have a new movie coming out that of course already has Oscar buzz but I remain humble and am just " so happy to be apart of such an inspiring and amazing movie and work with such an incredible director with an incomparable vision". Or something like that...

You guys, I'm weird, I know. But at least I'm putting it out there in the open for all to see. Love me or only kind of like me. Your choice.

Let Me Explain

I thought about naming this post "allow me to explain myself" and then i wished that my very first blog were titled "Allow me to introduce myself" all Jay-Z status. Ugh, blog world problems.

FACT: I'm a horrible texter.
I have been told this hundreds of times. I KNOW! I honestly suck at it. Unfortunately, this makes me seem like a bad friend, stupid with technology and an all around terrible person (which I may in fact be without even realizing it). BUT, let me explain.
I feel like it comes down to a few reasons.
For one, when I first got a cellphone (at the ripe old age of 16), I was one of the last of my friends to get one. I only was allowed 30 texts a month and every text after that cost 10 cents. This meant that when my mom got my cellphone bill, if I went over my texts, it was my "12 hours a week at Macy's" money that paid for it. Although, I doubt she ever would have taken the money, it was the threat of knowing that my hard earned $68.50 would be compromised (which would keep me from buying my weekly 3 pairs of 1928 earrings. So it's like a psychological thing. I never wanted to get in trouble.
The one time I DID go over my text limit (and phone minute limit) it was kind of serious. If you know anything about high school students these days, it's that they hate using their mouths for something that can be done with their thumbs (cue immature laughter here. Yes, it's me laughing). But really, high schoolers today, LOVE the art of texting, and it all started when I was in high school. Which brings me to my second belief. One time I did get all crazeballs with texting. As soon as someone text me, I IMMEDIATELY responded. I talked on the phone for hours (to my best friend in Canada, no less -which is NOT covered in free long distance, nights and weekends) and didn't have a care in the world. Then the bill came. My mother took my phone away until I was able to pay for it (I never was, but I eventually got it back-don't tell her) which meant that my first year in college I was cellphone-less. I can not tell you how ridiculous I felt. (I also blame my lack of friendships on that; I had friends, don't trip, I just would have had a million more, let's be real, it's me). It's engrained in me that if I ever over-text, I will lose custody of m phone.
Last but not least, I'm an overthinker. This is the main reason I don't text back. When I get a text, it is placed into one of two categories: answerable and requires thought. If the text is answerable, (i.e. what is your last name, what time are you off work, do you have so and so's phone number?) I will immediately send an answer. These kinds of questions require no thought and do not make me anxious. Texts that require thought, on the other hand, (i.e. questions about my plans, statements that don't always require an answer, anything referring to more than 3 days from the date of the text) make me anxious and put me under pressure to craft the perfect text. I will often find that 2 weeks later, I still have half of a text written that has not been sent. I try to step away from the situation to get away from my "texter's block" and then end up forgetting about it. Usually I text back within the next 2 days but apparently that's not really acceptable.

It all comes down to this. I realize it. I'm working on it. But also it's your fault for making your texts so difficult.
I'M OUT!

2 things I'm OBSESSED with hating.

1. PINTEREST JACKERS
Pinterest is amazing! I didn't realize how creative I am not until I joined this site. That being said, I think it's super cool that people are able to learn how to make things and pretend to be creative (a la me) because of this site. What I CAN'T STAND are people who take funny sayings/realizations off pinterest and post them as their facebook status. There's not much I dislike more than a joke jacker and Pinterest joke jacking may be the worst!
**AH! I'm just realizing now that I never posted my "joke jacking" blog because it was so pretentious sounding (sort of like this post). Anyway, I need to explain that joke jacking isn't just stealing someone's joke. It's stealing someone's joke and taking credit for it, and when people think it's funny, you don't offer the information that you didn't come up with it**

2. JAYRUNNERS
They're just like jaywalkers only they're running and they give you judgmental eyes because they're outside exercising and you are riding in a car. Congratulations Jayrunner, you're healthy and have great endurance. But also, congratulations to me; I just got 500 points for hitting a pedestrian.
use the crosswalk.

So You Want to Date My Brother?

I'm considering becoming an advice columnist because of the success of my Rulebook post and things of the like. What I'm trying to say is basically that people listen to me and I'm awesome. The two may have a bearing on each other's success but that's not what we're here to talk about.
You're here because at some point in time you've seen my younger brother and are now infatuated, or you've met me and just KNEW that if I had a younger brother he'd be awesome and fascinating as well. Well, congratulations because today is your lucky day. This is my brother Jordan.

It's become very apparent that my brother is a hot ticket item as of late and many girls have been vying for his affection and trying to win his heart. Since this is (unfortunately but insanely) true, I have decided to share the secrets of winning his undying love, or at least coming close to maybe getting him to take you seriously.

My brother and I are pretty close, so I have all the inside scoop and trust me, you'll want to take notes. So now, it gives me great pleasure (and by pleasure i mean complete disdain) to give you:

SO YOU WANT TO DATE MY BROTHER?
(6 quick articles on dating my brother)

1. On Jesus: This one is first because it is a NON-NEGOTIABLE. Therefore, if you don't love Jesus, you needn't apply.
2. On bikini pictures posted on facebook. Ladies, here's the deal, if you went to the beach and you took a bunch of pictures with your friends while having fun, I'm all for it. Pictures of fun times might be my favorite thing in the world, next to the sound of babies laughing but if you're posed in front of a mirror wearing nothing but a bikini and a camera flash reflection on your face more than, let's say, three times (I want to say once but I don't want to be too demanding), you're just not right for my brother, says me.
3. On spelling. I'm not asking you to know the spellings of every winning word from the national spelling bee over the last 10 years (would it kill you to look them up though?) I just want to know that you know there are 3 ways to spell there/their/they're and it would be fantastic if you knew when to use them. I'm not asking much, just that you know the basic skills that you would need to graduate from the 5th grade. If you have to type it out in Microsoft Word before you write it out, by all means, DO THAT.
4. On being friends with me: I have to know who you are, like you, and be close enough to you that being friends on facebook wouldn't be weird. But I don't want to know TOO much. So it's likely that if we're already good friends, it won't work out. When you're friends, you know about the bad stuff too. I can be friends with your bad stuff, I just don't want your bad stuff dating my brother.
5. On Halloween costumes: I'm not sure if you know this, but there are levels of slutty, and I, a girl, understand the desire and enjoyment of getting my seductress on for a fun Halloween (at least I used to, I'm reformed now). Still, there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. There are three main areas that are exposed during Halloween, the chest, the middle and the legs. If all 3 are bare, she's too slutty for you bro.
6. On aggression: My brother doesn't (and by that I mean I don't) like girls that are too forward. Plain and simple, being overly aggressive comes off as desperate. You don't have to comment on all his facebook pictures or like all of his statuses. Please. There's nothing I, I mean my brother, hates more than seeing the same little blue name all over, blowing up his facebook.

WARNING: Although none of the accuracy of the advice in this blog has been DIRECTLY given to me by, or even discussed with, my brother, I believe that if used in its entirety, your chances of dating will go from 0 to about 3%.<---That's probably not true either.
GOOD LUCK!

Declarations for a New Year

I was feeling really down today. Defeated and overwhelmed, disqualified and unworthy. So I took a break from work, went outside with a pen and a piece of paper and started writing. Honestly, I have no idea where these thoughts were coming from but it helped so much. I upchucked a whole bunch of thoughts onto a page and began affirming myself without even trying (or really even knowing it). Needless to say, I am proud of those words written. So now I shall allow them to enter an eternal digital existence.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. --Mae West

I'm jealous of all those making their dreams come true. I don't want to force anything to happen but I guess sometimes you do just have to grab the bull by the horns (Thanks Jacob Amaro for reminding me of this last night). I don't want to live a passive life only to find out that everything's passed me by when I have the ability to do something. What I want is to live life largely (Edna: "Be careful what you wish for." -Gosh, I love Hairspray). But really, I just want to do the things I love because I love them, and I don't want to take no for an answer (Unless of course it's a "no" from God).
There's a feeling I have that tells me I was made for so much more than this (the DA's office, Ventura, 23 year old slump). I will not be brought down. I vow that on today, January 13, 2012 (Friday the 13th, no less) that all my decisions will be made out of confidence. Confidence in Jesus, confidence in myself and confidence in the fact that I can do whatever is put before me.
All I am is a girl created by an all powerful God that only wants what's best for me. I cannot put myself down because I have no right to do so. I have no right to put down something that I did not create. I may not put down the work of Christ. If someone puts me down, that's a problem they'll have to take up with my maker.
I choose not to believe anything said about me, except for those words declared by my God. I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. He sings life over me. He has created me for SUCH a time as this and I will not let any of this time be wasted. I'm chosen. He wants me. He chose me. He gifted me to sing. He gave me a passion for people, a passion for the hurting, a passion to worship, a passion to love and be loved. He gave me the knowledge to know that my life will not be average. I will live a victorious, large, insanely beautiful, Jesus filled life.

and I'm thankful for that.

Throwback Obsessions

BLUES TRAVELER

Okay, okay, I know. I'm like 18 years late on this but you know how much I love the 90's and Blue's Traveler is about as 90's as it gets! As I fell asleep last night, an episode of Roseanne was going off and Blue's Traveler made a special appearance on the episode and I kind of fell into this mad obsession where I kept asking myself things like "Why didn't they get more popular?" and, "That guys voice is amazing, who wouldn't sign them?" Alright, I totally looked them up on iTunes and they actually have some other great stuff. You have 5 seconds to give me your best "judgy" line........okay that's it.

GILDA RADNOR

Comedic Genius. Seriously. Ever since I saw her as Rosanne Rosannadanna I knew I loved her but I saw her picture in an ad for fake wood floors and my obsession started all over again. She is pure comedic talent. Oh and FUN FACT: She was the first person to be cast for Saturday Night Live! She's just gold!

Current Obsessions

MISS PIGGY

I mean, honestly, what's better than a puppet pig that dresses and acts like a bossy, diva human. That's right, NOTHING.

PINTEREST
Every time I go on the website, I feel so empowered and inspired like I have so many untapped treasures in my closet waiting to be "upcycled" (a new term I learned and now find any excuse to use). It's kind of an amazing site for someone who lacks creativity, like me, but loves being creative.

Sabrina's Rulebook: 9 simple guidelines to follow to live your best life.

A lot of people want to know how they can be like me. (I mean, let's face it, I'm smart, funny and beautiful, who wouldn't want to be like me?) Well, listed below are 9 very important rules that I follow. If you want to be like me, or just live a better life, follow these rules.

1. Never take your hair down from a ponytail (or any "up" do) if you do not have immediate access to a mirror (or any reflective surface) to check the status of the "up" removal situation.

2. Listening to Christmas music is reserved for December 1-December 31.*
(Christmas music is a privilege not a right)

3. Never look lost when walking around somewhere unfamiliar.
3a. Never look at a map located in the unfamiliar location::often located in malls/parks/large schools.*
(it may be easier to ask someone for directions or look at a map to find the desired destination but embarrassment is not easily hidden, even if you are wandering aimlessly for over an hour before you finally find 4e where your drama class is.)

4. Know important parts in "important" books, movies and TV shows.
(You don't want to get caught in a group conversation where you're the only one with nothing to contribute. Even if you only know a very famous quote or situation, say what you know, then people will think you've seen it. Essentially, Sparknotes yourself.)

5. Never untag yourself from an unflattering photo on facebook.
(When I see someone in an unflattering picture and try to tag them, which I've only done once, but not to be spiteful, and it says "the person has previously untagged themselves", my first thought is 'wow, that's improper grammar'. My next thought is that this person doesn't want people to think he/she looks like this. But guess what, if a picture caught it, you obviously have the capability of looking that way, the same goes for the opposite though, so if you look way prettier in the picture, know that you have the ability to look that way, too.)

6. If you're not funny, have a sense of humor.
(Not everyone can be funny, only some of us get to enjoy that luxury. BUT, in order to make a significant contribution to this world WITHOUT being funny, or like curing cancer or something, you have to have a sense of humor. If you can at least laugh at the funny things your funny friends say, you'll be just fine. Chances are you'll glean a little bit of humor from them and be able to contribute your own little funny...eventually)

7. Memorize all the words to at least ONE rap song.*

8. Sistah's before mistas or Bros before hoes.
(Yes, this rule is old but it NEVER fails. Obviously there are situations where choosing your mista/hoe is necessary but it's rare. The people who will ALWAYS be there for you are your girls/bros, don't ditch them for a fling, trust me, it's not worth it. In order to tell if your friend is the kind of "bro/sistah" that should not be ditched, you can know by the simple fact that if you did (unfortunately) break this rule, he or she would still be there for you.)

9. Always wear your sunglasses inside a room and remove them after you've taken seven steps.


WARNING: If your life isn't amazing after you've followed these guidelines, there's nothing I can really do about it, sorry.

*amendments:
(2) One may begin listening to Christmas music on the day after Thanksgiving aka Black Friday if one so desires and may continue listening through January 14.
(3a)One may look at a map ONLY by walking past said map multiple times and slightly slowing down to try to subtly see where desired destination is located. It is important that no one notices this act.
(7)If one mainly listens to rap, replace "rap" with "country" or "pop rock".

SAVE THANKSGIVING: Curing PCMA one life at a time.

A serious issue has been plaguing our nation for years now. It's a problem that we need to pay much attention to because ignoring it could cause serious damage. Our nation is suffering from Premature Christmas Music Auscultation (yes, I know that word is usually used medically) also known as PCMA. PCMA is an extremely delicate situation and in order to save innocent lives from this terrible affliction, I've begun a SAVE THANKSGIVING campaign. Ryan Seacrest is an avid sponsor of this notable cause.
In order to begin the cure for PCMA and raise money as well as awareness, I've come up with a few solutions.

The first is selling Thanksgiving decor. Too often, Thanksgiving gets lumped in with Halloween or even worse FALL. Thanksgiving and fall are not one in the same, nor should their decorations just be one little, lonely yellowish flower. I would like to open up a chain of cornucopia patches around the United States so that people can properly decorate for the date known casually as "the holiday between Halloween and Christmas (Chanukah for all my Jewish readers, L'chaim!).

Just like carving pumpkins and decorating the Christmas tree is a big deal, people can get together and stuff their cornucopias with all kinds of great things! (Hallmark, get on this train and start selling personalized cornucopias now before it starts moving too fast.)

Secondly, I feel as though people don't take advantage of the falling leaves very much. We don't care about the dried leaves for Halloween so let's use them to our Thanksgiving advantage! In NYC, there is a huge ice skating rink they put in the middle of the Rockefeller center and in Central Park. Why not make giant leaf piles in different places where people can jump in them for fun. Honestly, no one is too old to jump in a leaf pile. Couples can come and jump together, get engaged and take engagement photos (see previous posts on how to get perfect engagement photos) at the leaf piles, families can take their young kids for the first time to the leaf pile and friends can just come to hang out and gossip after they jump in the leaf pile. Really it's a gold mine that just no one has tried to make happen.

The biggest and most important thing were missing from Thanksgiving, which would solve alot of the cases of PCMA is that there is no genre of Thanksgiving music. Well, things are about to change. I am going to be the first artist to sing about one of the most important (yet, unfortunately forgotten) holidays of the year. I've already begun working on some songs which are soon to become the classic hits of Thanksgiving. Here are some of the titles:
"Oh Tryptophan"
"I won't be eating for 3 months after this"
"Unbutton my pants" (an R&B chart topper)
"I saw mommy slicing cranberry sauce"
"The kid's table"
...and many more.
Trust me, Bieber is gonna be all over this next year.

I'm doing my part to find a cure for PCMA, what are you doing?
SAVE THANKSGIVING!

Christmas List 2011

It's that time of year again! Christmas is 2 months away (and we still have Thanksgiving to celebrate, let us not forget!) and I've already begun thinking about what I want to get my friends and family. This is the first year that I have a really good paying job (and some good money in my savings) so I'm pretty excited about the gifts I'm gonna be able to afford! Alas, this blog is not about what I'm getting my family and friends, this is about ME! Because isn't that what Christmas is all about? Selfishness and seeing which friends you're gonna take with you to the new year because they give out stellar presents? Totally joking. It's about Christmas music! Okay for real it's about Jesus but I'm still gonna put my list up.

1. A juicer
2. Street/mountain hybrid bike
3. Silver cross necklace
4. blow dryer with comb attachment
5. flat iron
6. iPhone 4s (plus a cute new cover)
7. macbook pro
8. Crazy, Stupid Love (DVD)
9. brown flats
10. five finger half gloves
11. cowboy boots
12. Sewing machine

Christmas is still a ways away so I'll be adding to this list continually throughout the next couple months.
Don't judge me.

Things I absolutely LOVE/HATE.

Basically I'm giving you a list of things that people around me do. Either it makes me want to give them a big hug or slap their mama.

LOVE:

• people who use the word "bonkers". Something about it just makes me bonkers.
  

• Little kids (like under 6 years old) play together without an adult. My gosh, when kids can make each other laugh, there's nothing cuter.Also, it keeps me from having to do a lot of work when I babysit. (Just kidding, kinda).
  

• Singing loud in the car (see picture) I don't just mean singing a little bit to your favorite song when you're on the freeway. I mean BELTING every word to the song as if you were the singer on stage at a concert. But here's the thing, some people will stop singing on the regular road or when stopped at a red light. If you keep singing despite those situations, then you fit into this category. (if you do this, we DEFINITELY will be friends)

• Laying on my stomach. I can't even really explain this one. I like reading in this position, watching tv, tanning, blogging, texting, etc. Just try it and you'll get it.
  

• Arguing. I should add to my hate list, when people try to stop me from arguing. I don't mind disagreeing with someone, I honestly don't. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not argumentative (Although my mom and my closest friends would PROBABLY disagree). I just don't mind having a discussion in which two individuals don't agree on something and therefore, have to argue about it (not to be confused with debating, cuz i HATE THAT! also, I don't like when other people argue, that just chaps my hide.
  

HATE:

• When people put pictures of their injuries on facebook. PLEASE people, I can barely watch Grey's Anatomy without feeling sick, the last thing I need to see is your nasty split open, bloody head blowing up my news feed.

• Slip on sandals, NOT FLIP FLOPS (see picture) FACT: If I see a woman wearing a shoe of this variety, I automatically respect her less. There is not an uglier shoe. There just isn't. I feel morally obligated to destroy all of these slip on sandals that exist. NO ONE should be wearing these, EVER. Just, please don't.
  

• Sprinkles (on ANYTHING) What a freaking waste of a topping. WHY would I want a flavorless, soft slash crunchy tiny bug like colorful thing on my cupcake/ice cream/cookie? Oh that's right, I wouldn't! What's even worse are chocolate sprinkles. Although I'm not the biggest fan of chocolate, I'm still usually an advocate for chocolate because it's like the dessert of my people (idk.) but chocolate sprinkles, plain and simple, look like mouse poop.
  

• When people sit directly across from you in a waiting room. Obviously, if there are not other seats available, the one facing me isn't going to bother me, I'm not a MONSTER. But please, I'm all for awkward situations, but that is just not an awkward situation I'm willing to deal with.

BTW-just because you do something on my HATE list, doesn't mean we can't still be friends and just because you something on my LOVE list, doesn't mean we'll be friends. (I'm picky and my friendship is pretty exclusive, just saying.)

My current obsessions

SHE'S COUNTRY BY JASON ALDEAN

I can't even begin to describe the amount of times I've listened to this song. And I definitely won't tell you about how I keep trying to act like the girl he describes in the song. But I'm not country at all. This song is just SO GOOD!


ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS

(I couldn't post someone's picture here without feeling like a total creeper)
First off, while this is a CURRENT obsession, it is not a recent development. I have always loved looking at engagement photos, even if I don't know the couple. There's something about a perfectly placed sun glare in a photo that makes me crazy. I love when people get creative with their pictures too. Not that a couple sitting in a tall grass field in between each other isn't satisfying but when I see a picture that hasn't been done before (i.e. this really cool zombie engagement shoot I saw recently), I feel like their marriage will be better. Creativity is the key to a perfect marriage right?
There are three key things that make for a perfect engagement shoot. (1) The bride to be should wear a dress. A cute, baby doll, whimsical-ish dress. Girls in jeans are cute but girls in dresses are wife-y material. (2) The perfect amount of sun glare mixed with background blurring. I'm pretty sure those are the technical names. Those two in combination will make me weep (Assuming the couple has good photo chemistry). (3) AT LEAST ONE picture must have the bride to be looking at the camera and the husband to be looking at the bride to be. This is an essential part of having people say "Awww" when they look at your photos. If no one is saying "Awww", get your money back for those pictures IMMEDIATELY.
I'm not gonna say I want to get engaged just for the pictures but...