fearless

i know my friends are getting so annoyed with me cuz i have colbie caillat on repeat ALL THE TIME. but the cd is just SO good.
she really did it up this time.

so lately i've been looking for some acting opportunities because i really miss doing it. i love going to rehearsals and i love coming home tired and i love knowing that i have to do it again the next day. call me crazy but i just think that acting as work is in muh blood. i really think it is.
whatevs.
but anyway, so i've been looking for some acting opportunites and it seems like all the open calls happened like 2 weeks ago until today. like i JUST missed 'em. *frustrated sigh*
(is there any other genre of 'sigh'? i think generally, they're all frustrated...so maybe i should take the word out. but then this italicized, parenthtical converstaion would have no purpose, so i think i'll keep it)
I JUST WANT TO ACT.
i keep seeing and hearing of all these people who are doing things with their acting career and i really think that's what my passion is but uh hello...where are all the opportunites?
ya know? i heard that if it's what God wants for your life then he'll open doors. sooo...does he want me to do nothing?
i'm just a li'l confused yafeelme?

yeah.
anyway...that's all for now.

ack.
it's raining outside. and i love it.
it's just a tiny bit inconvenient when i JUST straightened my hair a few days ago and everywhere i walk my jeans get soaking wet.
lame-o.

i can hear it really coming down right now.
it's so fascinating, the rain.
it's crazy how so much of something so tiny can affect someone's mood.
i personally don't think i'm affected by it but for some it can bring you down.

Stop This Train by John Mayer

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

this song puts all my thoughts about my life up to now into words.
thank you John for this little beauty.

here's a link to listen to the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BTzNX5OMN4

chang chang now put it over there

i have two tests tomorrow but instead of studying and looking over my notes--im twittering, facebooking and blogging. badizzle!

i'm so unproductive before 2am these days it's kind of ridiculous.

like yesterday--i didn't go to bed until 7:30 in the morning and while i was tired all day today, i got so much done.
i wrote a song (which i'm considering sharing with the world eventually), filled out almost an entire study guide, and i did some other stuff too that i can't really remember. (note: i have yet to get the sleep im missing and am running on only 2 and a half hours for the past 2 days so if my thoughts come jumbled--you know why).

now that that is said i must declare to the whole world my love of james taylor.
i think john mayer is the james taylor of our generation and freakin james taylor is ultra-talented.
i mean, my goodness.

i know i've said this before but my friends seriously are the best ever.
alot of the time they piss me off to no end but i love the times when we're just sitting up talking about life and laughing at the stupid stuff we do.
i crave these times.
and i'm gonna miss these times when school is over :(

but this post isn't gonna be sad.
i'm in a good mood and i'm feeling God's blessings in more ways than ever.

i need to sleep so that i can get back in a right state of mind. and maybe do a little studying before class tomorrow.

oh and randomly on my twitter i posted "the reggae be hurting me eyeballs". i do not remember posting this and it's kinda creeping me out.

my brain won't turn off

okay lots of things going on in the mind of sabrina lynn right now.

1. i was discussing with some of my friends the impact that boys have on us and it's seriously just ridiculous. i hate those girls that get boyfriends and then completely ditch their other friends to spend every waking moment with their guy. i hate how you can be having a perfectly fine time and a phone call or a comment from or about a guy you're into can ruin the rest of the day. i hate how some guys just stick in your mind regardless of how much of a douche bag you know they are. i guess it's not really the guy's fault but seriously, sometimes i wish i could just turn off my feelings.
woo...a little deep for first point but you gotta start somewhere ya know.

2. i love music but lately i've just been getting so frustrated with the emotions behind the songs that are out right now. like why the eff (excuse my euphemism) can everyone relate to taylor swift's you belong with me song. gosh it's like she's trying to torture us into remembering/noticing the stupid feelings we have for the stupid people that make everything so stupidly painful. ugh. okay i guess im not frustrated, just feeling a little called out ya know?

3. (WARNING: mushy feelings ahead...not for the faint of heart) looking in the mirror has gotten a lot more painful, lately. i just feel ugly alot and i really hate it. i don't know what i could do about this situation except for maybe listening to whitney houston's greatest love of all on repeat for a week straight. but i don't have time for that. i guess this one i just gotta do some work with me and the big man upstairs (aka God).

4. i think because i'm about 3 months away from graduating college, i've been reminiscing a whole lot about my past self and thinking how that has and will affect my future. i mean, i've definitely changed (some for the worse and some for the better) and i'm glad for all of it because it has led me to where i am now and i'm content with that place. but i'm just like "AAHHH...where in the heck do i go from here?" high school was so much easier. i didn't have to pay rent, or utility bills or go grocery shopping. i could use all of my earned money on fun, shopping (which definitely fits under the FUN category but i felt it needed to be stated on its own because of its impact on my life), or eating out. i don't know, i guess i just miss the 'simple times'. bleh...sometimes i feel like just breaking down and crying and hoping that my tears land in some sort of predictive way like the ancient Egyptians used to do. sigh.

5. last one. i don't want a boyfriend right now. i don't want a husband right now. but somehow i feel extremely pressured into wanting one. there are times when it seems like girls try to make me feel like a freak for not wanting anything. it's not that i don't EVER want one it's just that at this point in my life, i can't see myself devoting or even wanting to devote a majority of my time to one boy. they just don't seem that worth it to me. at least not now. of course there were a few prospects, but they just disappointed in the end so, yeah, i'm sticking with my previous statement. it just doesn't seem worth it to me...yet.

phew. feels good to get it all, well not all, but get some of it out.
i thought about deleting this post but i think it'll feel better to just click publish and be done with it.

I've recently come to find out that I over-think almost EVERYTHING.
I used to tell that to people who interviewed me as a weakness without actually believing it, but now i think it's actually true.
i seriously get inside of my head and start to make things seem so much worse than they actually are.
i'm working on it.

im at a place where i'm pretty content with the way things are going right now.
it feels good because lately it hasn't been happening that way and i think its been getting to me.
but i know everything will work out for the best.

i'm so ready to be on stage again. i miss it so much.
i miss leading worship.
i miss being in musical theatre.
i miss doing sing a long videos.
i miss just entertaining people via performance.
hopefully some opportunities will arise for me to get back to doing it again.

that's all for now.

Inspiration

i've been inspired by alot of just normal people lately.
like people that aren't celebrities but they still live extraordinarily.
they are the kind of people i want to be like.

idk.

so here's an anonymous thank you to all of you out there.
thank you very much.