dang it.

i'm struggling.

i am so scared for my future life.
i'm struggling with the fact that i don't know what i'm going to do with my life.
i'm struggling with money.
i'm struggling to know what's right versus what's easy.
i'm struggling to be who i was made to be.
i'm struggling to not feel worthless.
i'm struggling with trying to keep from being numb to everything.
i'm struggling to keep hoping for the better.

nothing that i'm struggling with is too hard for my God, though.
and although that gives me a bit of faith, it's still hard to see through the fog that has become my life.
i don't want to be too emo, but dang, life ain't easy.

i've come to the conclusion that i can't simply "get my feet wet" for Christ.
i've become too comfortable being comfortable and it's time for me to dive head first into the deep waters of Christ.
am i ready? no.
am i scared? yes.
do i know what's going to come of this? no.
will this benefit me? of course.
and knowing that WITH Christ, everything is better than it is without him, i am encouraged to keep moving forward.

Parental Units

I haven't written a blog about my parental units yet and I think it's about time.

Mommy: We argue like its going out of style but i think she secretly likes it. No one in my life could ever make me as mad as her but on the contrary nobody loves me more than she does and for that I am truly grateful. Even though I'm sure I make her mad beyond belief, it's only because I came from her and that's just the way things have to be. On the real though, I really do see all the things she does for me and even though i probably don't tell her enough, I love her with everything in me.
It's crazy weird because we are so much alike it's ridiculous. She's the best mother anyone could ask for and even though she's not the perfect mom, she's the perfect one for me.

Daddy: God knew what he was doing when he chose my dad to be my dad because I am a WHOLE lot to deal with and my dad seems to know the perfect way to handle me. Even though sometimes he makes me mad because he's too freaking quiet, I can't help but love him. Serio though, I love talking to him and he always makes me feel like I can do anything even when I most likely can't (i.e. drive stick shift...). I love him mucho and nothing could ever change that.

My parentals seriously love me and I can see it in everything they do and it's weird because I don't think every kid has that. I love them because they're my parents, but even if they weren't, I think I'd love em just as much.

.Roomies.

Sooo... Karissa and I are going to be roommates for this year in this new house and i'm so excited. We've already discussed that we know there will be days when we want to kill each other. It's weird because we are so much alike. Our personality types work very well together but we both have the same problem that could really end up in disaster if we don't treat them properly.
Fortunately, we're not worried about that at all.
What I love about Karissa is that I feel like regardless of what I tell her about my life, I don't feel like she's judging me but I also know that she will keep me in check (because she knows i would do the same for her). She's been there to for some of my big breakdowns and been able to help me more than i think even she knows.
Even though I've only known her for 3 years, one of which she spent hating my guts, I'm thrilled to see what this year brings. I'll keep you updated on the status of the rooming situation.