Pomp and Circumstance

The time has come.
I officially graduate tomorrow.
Early in the morning I will walk in my cap and gown while my name is called out by my professor and my friends and family will cheer for me.I always knew this day would come and I always knew I would feel this way about it.
Nostalgic, excited, reminiscent, nervous, anxious but most of all ready.
I'm extremely ready to do this.
I've been getting sort of antsy about the whole thing lately because I knew that I would be hearing about all the jobs that everyone has lined up after graduation while I'll be going back to my part time retail job at the mall.
I expected a bit of disappointment and of course a tinge of jealousy (okay, more than a tinge).
but i don't think I ever expected the peace that would come to me after being back at the house with my old roommates.
A peace that actually passes ALL understanding.
Suddenly I realized the peace isn't an act of coincidence.
It's a true act of my Lord, my comforter, my ALL in freaking ALL.
God knew what I would be walking back into by coming to La Mirada.He knows my heart and all it's desires, impurities and insecurities.
Thus, he knows how to satisfy my heart. How to ease my troubled mind and calm my whirling soul.
This peace came not through a deep heart to heart with a mentor, or a passionate bible study, or even an influential speech.
My peace has come through the simple prayer before I stepped out of my car that God would bless my trip.A constant battle thrashes in my head almost every day.
I never know, never REALLY know what my purpose is.
I can't seem to figure out if I'm doing things right.

but somehow it hit me.
God whispered quietly that everything is going to be okay.
He has a plan.
He knows what's going to happen and he truly wants me to live my best life for him.

I complain a lot.I feel like I'm not really headed in any direction.
Like I'm not doing what I should be doing.
But the peace has hit me.
Where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be right now.
and where I am in 5 years is where I'm supposed to be in 5 years.
and as far as I can tell (which is about 1 second from now) I can't do anything more about the next 5 years other than be here right now.
I don't know how it happened and I think that's where the "passes all understanding" thing comes into play, but for now I am at peace.
It's undeniable that I got an amazing education at Biola.
but what's even greater is the spiritual growth I experienced in the 4 years I was there.
It's something I'll never regret and will always remember.

Stop tripping, homegirl

This is a subject I've written about many-a-time.
What is the will of God and how do i follow it?

well...if you're looking for the answer to that question, this isn't the blog to read.
it is simply the continuation of the question as well as a semi-realization to why the question is asked.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what i want to do with my life.
I'm 21, have a bachelor's degree and i have a vision in my head of what my "dream-life" would look like but i still struggle with how that life lines up with the life that God has planned for me.

I like to think of the "will of God" as a kind of river. (sort of like the lazy river at Hurricane Harbor).
The lazy river will of God (LRWG), if you will.

Now, God has made this LRWG perfect.
He has made a clear path, steady moving, with a destination in mind.
All I have to do is stay in this LRWG and i will get to where I need to go.
The river is moving, and without putting any effort into swimming, i would eventually arrive at my destination but with effort i can move along more quickly as well as ensure that I arrive where i need to go.
If i would simply continue in this LRWG, i would arrive exactly where God wants me.
There would be no complications, I wouldn't have to ask God "why is this going the way it's going?"
So often, i ask, "God, why can't you just tell me where you want me to go?"
But the thing is, God has already laid out a plan for me.
He has given me his lazy river: a clear path, steady moving with a destination in mind.
What i tend to do, though, is put my own ambitions, and selfishness into the will he has laid out.
I start adding my own little "inter tubes" or "rafts" to the lazy river.
I see other opportunities to get out of the LRWG and go on the water slides or do other things that keep me from staying in the will of God and keep me from following more easily the LRWG.

I start making excuses and telling God what I can and cannot do.
I'm reminded of Moses when God asks him to go tell Pharaoh to let his people go.
Exodus 4:10 says "Then Moses said to the LORD, Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."
Moses tries to tell God his limitations.
God responds by telling him that he is the one that created the mouth and that he will give Moses the words to speak.

We often want to tell God the things we can't do and give him a list of the things we want to do.
I do it all the time.
God, I know you've given me a heart for Latin America, but I can't pray in Spanish, and let me say that I'm not that great of a public speaker, and let me say that I can't do improvisation, and let me say that I want to be famous, and let me say that I wanna be married at 27, have kids by 30 and a dog by 32.
I get so caught up in putting in my own two cents into God's will, that a once clear path that was made for me, is now clouded with all of my ambitions, and fleshliness, and selfishness.

Because of this, I now complain that God hasn't given me a clear path.
I tell him that I can't see his will to follow it.
Yet, he's sitting there telling me "Hey listen, I've given you a completely clear path. I've given you instructions on how to get there but YOU'RE the one who put her own ambitions and her own motivations into this will that I have for you. You are the one who made the LRWG look like this."

Fortunately, he doesn't just leave me stranded.
If i get rid of all those selfish ambitions and self-limitations, he will continue to lead me in his path.
He is not the God of complications. He is not the God of an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by mystery.
My God is a God of simplicity. A God of straight-forwardness.
Granted, there are plenty of times when i feel like he is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by mystery but i don't believe that's because he is trying to be complicated.
I think it's simply that my puny human brain is incapable of understanding the omniscience of God.

i complain about the difficulty of his will, the speed, the source and any other thing i can think of.
But if i simply follow his will, I will get to where i need to go.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

That's enough.
That's all i need to know.
He knows the plans he has for me.
I've just got to trust those plans and put my life in his hands.