wow. it's been a year tomorrow since i first started this blog.
my blogversary if you will.
and here i am one year and 66 entries later.
i re-read my first post.
i was complaining about wanting to act.
and rejoicing/complaining about the fact that I wanted God to break me.
craziness.
well, things are good.
im having fun right now and enjoying life and not stressing too much over things that i needn't be worried by.
im looking forward to the many more entries/complaints/rejoices/confusions/faults i will be posting about.
and thanks for sharing this journey with me so far.
anyway...HAPPY BLOGVERSARY!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
even steven: single woes
btw. [this is extremely rough. i wrote it in the heat of the moment and didn't edit it.]
im a little bit frustrated.
but at the same time a little excited because i have an excuse to blog.
the situation:
i went to the beach today with some long time friends who were home for their spring break.
it was great.
we tanned, read magazines, ate in n out, took pictures, watched boyfriends surf and felt the water.
(it was also a really crazy day but i won't get into that...)
besides the craziness everything was really smooth and very relaxing.
it just felt good to HANG OUT.
then we went back had a few beers and chilled in the jacuzzi and discussed plans for the night.
this is where things started to get weird.
my friend's boyfriend got upset because he thought that he and my friend were gonna get to hang out alone until we went out tonight.
when he found out that wasn't the plan, he got a little upset but tried not to show it and simply went in the house. so we left.
my friend then starts trying to rearrange the plans for what was supposed to be our "girl's night".
she started by trying to incorporate the guys into all the things we were already planning on doing.
this started a discussion on how this isn't the first time he's reacted like this and also how some of the other girls with boyfriends experience the same thing.
immediately i felt a little disconnected.
i couldn't understand why we had to change what we were doing just to make him happy.
i didn't see why we couldn't just enjoy the night with each other.
(i haven't seen these girls in months, mind you)
i understand that he wants to spend time with his girlfriend but in honesty, i haven't hung out with her without him since they've been together.
so im frustrated.
i don't know if it's because im single and haven't really had anything extremely serious enough to be able to understand the desire to do anything to keep the man happy.
or maybe it's simply because im not the type of girl to just be passive and do anything to keep him happy.
i can't see why any girl would want to be with a guy that gets angry over anything that doesn't go his way.
granted, i tend to be like that.
when im disappointed, my mood can go extremely south (but this ain't about me) but i certainly don't expect others to change everything they're doing to please me. (maybe i do, but once again, this ain't about me)
and anyway, if things were changed to please me, i wouldn't even really be able to appreciate it because the disappointment has already overtaken my mood.
now don't get me wrong, i really like her boyfriend.
he's a great guy and i love being around him.
im just a little disappointed with her for not standing up and being like, "hey, this is girl's night and you can pout all you want but i'm having fun with or without you being upset about me."
actually, tonight it feels good to be single.
for once...geeze.
im a little bit frustrated.
but at the same time a little excited because i have an excuse to blog.
the situation:
i went to the beach today with some long time friends who were home for their spring break.
it was great.
we tanned, read magazines, ate in n out, took pictures, watched boyfriends surf and felt the water.
(it was also a really crazy day but i won't get into that...)
besides the craziness everything was really smooth and very relaxing.
it just felt good to HANG OUT.
then we went back had a few beers and chilled in the jacuzzi and discussed plans for the night.
this is where things started to get weird.
my friend's boyfriend got upset because he thought that he and my friend were gonna get to hang out alone until we went out tonight.
when he found out that wasn't the plan, he got a little upset but tried not to show it and simply went in the house. so we left.
my friend then starts trying to rearrange the plans for what was supposed to be our "girl's night".
she started by trying to incorporate the guys into all the things we were already planning on doing.
this started a discussion on how this isn't the first time he's reacted like this and also how some of the other girls with boyfriends experience the same thing.
immediately i felt a little disconnected.
i couldn't understand why we had to change what we were doing just to make him happy.
i didn't see why we couldn't just enjoy the night with each other.
(i haven't seen these girls in months, mind you)
i understand that he wants to spend time with his girlfriend but in honesty, i haven't hung out with her without him since they've been together.
so im frustrated.
i don't know if it's because im single and haven't really had anything extremely serious enough to be able to understand the desire to do anything to keep the man happy.
or maybe it's simply because im not the type of girl to just be passive and do anything to keep him happy.
i can't see why any girl would want to be with a guy that gets angry over anything that doesn't go his way.
granted, i tend to be like that.
when im disappointed, my mood can go extremely south (but this ain't about me) but i certainly don't expect others to change everything they're doing to please me. (maybe i do, but once again, this ain't about me)
and anyway, if things were changed to please me, i wouldn't even really be able to appreciate it because the disappointment has already overtaken my mood.
now don't get me wrong, i really like her boyfriend.
he's a great guy and i love being around him.
im just a little disappointed with her for not standing up and being like, "hey, this is girl's night and you can pout all you want but i'm having fun with or without you being upset about me."
actually, tonight it feels good to be single.
for once...geeze.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
very important
two things i've been telling myself lately.
"Believe in yourself. Because you might be the only one who does."
"If no one else believes in you, at least you can believe in yourself."
--Sabrina Anderson
...i can talk the talk but can i walk the walk?
"Believe in yourself. Because you might be the only one who does."
"If no one else believes in you, at least you can believe in yourself."
--Sabrina Anderson
...i can talk the talk but can i walk the walk?
Friday, March 12, 2010
impatience is most definitely not a virtue
patience: the capacity for calmly enduring pain or trying situations
i love looking up definitions to words i already know because while the definition may be in my knowledge, somehow the meaning goes right past me.
i am trying to be patient.
i had a thought in my car (how it always happens).
am i geting so caught up in the now that im forgetting who is in charge?
let me back up a bit.
i went to the one acts at VC tonight.
there were 4 productions, 2 of which i know i would have been great in.
after i left the show i felt kind of affirmed that i was created to act and that i really do have talent blah blah blah.
so then i start thinking, well if i'm supposedly made for this, when exactly is something gonna happen for me?
when am i going to get a job?
when are things gonna start getting going?
that's when the thought hit me.
who is in charge of my destiny, my LIFE?
if i'm so supposedly reliant on God then where is my patience.
i've claimed to know that everything is going to happen in his timing yet i'm too busy tapping my foot while looking at my own clock.
there's something extremely backwards about me saying that i know that God has an ultimate plan for me but still questioning where my life is headed and when it's going to pick up.
we as a culture are so consumed by the ideal of instant gratification, that the moment there is any presence of lagging, we start to complain and try to do things ourselves.
the definition of patience is simply amazing.
CALMLY enduring pain or trying situations.
slap in the face.
i always want to simply get frustrated when things aren't going my way.
but patience is a virtue, dang it and therefore, i should be CALMLY enduring trials.
CALMLY.
calmly.
i love looking up definitions to words i already know because while the definition may be in my knowledge, somehow the meaning goes right past me.
i am trying to be patient.
i had a thought in my car (how it always happens).
am i geting so caught up in the now that im forgetting who is in charge?
let me back up a bit.
i went to the one acts at VC tonight.
there were 4 productions, 2 of which i know i would have been great in.
after i left the show i felt kind of affirmed that i was created to act and that i really do have talent blah blah blah.
so then i start thinking, well if i'm supposedly made for this, when exactly is something gonna happen for me?
when am i going to get a job?
when are things gonna start getting going?
that's when the thought hit me.
who is in charge of my destiny, my LIFE?
if i'm so supposedly reliant on God then where is my patience.
i've claimed to know that everything is going to happen in his timing yet i'm too busy tapping my foot while looking at my own clock.
there's something extremely backwards about me saying that i know that God has an ultimate plan for me but still questioning where my life is headed and when it's going to pick up.
we as a culture are so consumed by the ideal of instant gratification, that the moment there is any presence of lagging, we start to complain and try to do things ourselves.
the definition of patience is simply amazing.
CALMLY enduring pain or trying situations.
slap in the face.
i always want to simply get frustrated when things aren't going my way.
but patience is a virtue, dang it and therefore, i should be CALMLY enduring trials.
CALMLY.
calmly.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
don't judge me.
I realize i am extremely pathetic for getting so emotional over American Idol but it really bothers me when i see undeserving people make it further than they should
examples from past seasons:
Scott Macintyre
Sanjaya Malakar
Diana Degarmo
and talented people go home before they should:
Chris Daughtry
Syesha Mercado
Jennifer Hudson
**what's good is that all three talented people have continued on and are still doing what they're good at and are very successful while the other three haven't been heard from (aside from scott macintyre...but like his blindness kinda helped him...)
examples from past seasons:
Scott Macintyre
Sanjaya Malakar
Diana Degarmo
and talented people go home before they should:
Chris Daughtry
Syesha Mercado
Jennifer Hudson
**what's good is that all three talented people have continued on and are still doing what they're good at and are very successful while the other three haven't been heard from (aside from scott macintyre...but like his blindness kinda helped him...)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
BITTERSWEET.
High School Musical 2 has been over for some time.
i miss the cast.
i miss their craziness.
it's really weird that it's over.
i just went back and read a blog that i wrote the day i auditioned (which is the same day i found out that i got cast!)
"I can't wait to be apart of the finished project and rehearsing and being so tired from singing and dancing but having to continue because not everyone is trying their hardest. AHHH! it's gonna feel great."
it did feel great.
all those things happened.
everything about the show was amazing.
i loved the feeling i got before going on stage.
i loved the chaotic behaviors that went on back stage .
i hate that i won't get to make fun of everyone with salina.
i hate that i won't get to yell at chelsea for being a diva.
i hate that i won't get to laugh with presston.
i hate that i won't get to be shady with john.
i hate that i won't get to be a creeper to marcus and stevie.
i hate that i won't be in the dressing room with all the other outcasts like me.
i'm so glad it's over because i finally have time to do other things but im so glad to have made the memories with the people in the cast.
and i love that High School Musical 2 was my first play :D
i miss the cast.
i miss their craziness.
it's really weird that it's over.
i just went back and read a blog that i wrote the day i auditioned (which is the same day i found out that i got cast!)
"I can't wait to be apart of the finished project and rehearsing and being so tired from singing and dancing but having to continue because not everyone is trying their hardest. AHHH! it's gonna feel great."
it did feel great.
all those things happened.
everything about the show was amazing.
i loved the feeling i got before going on stage.
i loved the chaotic behaviors that went on back stage .
i hate that i won't get to make fun of everyone with salina.
i hate that i won't get to yell at chelsea for being a diva.
i hate that i won't get to laugh with presston.
i hate that i won't get to be shady with john.
i hate that i won't get to be a creeper to marcus and stevie.
i hate that i won't be in the dressing room with all the other outcasts like me.
i'm so glad it's over because i finally have time to do other things but im so glad to have made the memories with the people in the cast.
and i love that High School Musical 2 was my first play :D
Monday, March 8, 2010
curiouser and curiouser
i really need some adventure.
i wanna go somewhere far.
where people speak a different language.
here is just so boring.
i need something.
perhaps...WONDERLAND?
--i'm totally obsessed with the movie that's all
i wanna go somewhere far.
where people speak a different language.
here is just so boring.
i need something.
perhaps...WONDERLAND?
--i'm totally obsessed with the movie that's all
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Tuesday, March 2, 2010
My Fantasy Top 12 for American Idol Season 9
GIRLS:
1. Lilly Scott-She's gone and i'm officially PISSED OFF! i thought she was one of the strongest contestants.
2. Siobhan Magnus
3. Crystal Bowersox
4. Katie Stevens
5. Didi Benami
6. Katelyn Epperly-Also gone. She wasn't my favorite but she was WAY more talented than a lot of the other people chosen.
GUYS:
1. Alex Lambert-UGH! I'll admit he needs a little "ripening" performance wise. But his vocals were always flawless...
2. Andrew Garcia
3. Casey James
4. Todrick Hall-I kinda knew he was going home but i think he actually would have brought some creativity to the show!
5. Lee Dewyze
6.Michael Lynch
P.S. Tim Urban...enjoy this while you can. Because in all honesty, out of everyone you deserve top 12 the least and im sad America didn't see that.
1. Lilly Scott-She's gone and i'm officially PISSED OFF! i thought she was one of the strongest contestants.
2. Siobhan Magnus
3. Crystal Bowersox
4. Katie Stevens
5. Didi Benami
6. Katelyn Epperly-Also gone. She wasn't my favorite but she was WAY more talented than a lot of the other people chosen.
GUYS:
1. Alex Lambert-UGH! I'll admit he needs a little "ripening" performance wise. But his vocals were always flawless...
2. Andrew Garcia
3. Casey James
4. Todrick Hall-I kinda knew he was going home but i think he actually would have brought some creativity to the show!
5. Lee Dewyze
6.Michael Lynch
P.S. Tim Urban...enjoy this while you can. Because in all honesty, out of everyone you deserve top 12 the least and im sad America didn't see that.
the craft
i've been watching a lot of movies lately.
old movies. new movies. good movies. crappy movies.
but i've been watching them because i want to make movies, i think. [at least for now]
[i don't think theatre is necessarily my forte, i love it, but it's not necessarily my calling]
anyway...i've been focusing on the actors.
their physicality, the way they use their voices and faces.
i've also been reading.
i've read a lot of interviews and biographies about actors who inspire me.
i want to learn the craft and learn to be great at it.
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