impatience is most definitely not a virtue

patience: the capacity for calmly enduring pain or trying situations

i love looking up definitions to words i already know because while the definition may be in my knowledge, somehow the meaning goes right past me.

i am trying to be patient.

i had a thought in my car (how it always happens).
am i geting so caught up in the now that im forgetting who is in charge?

let me back up a bit.
i went to the one acts at VC tonight.
there were 4 productions, 2 of which i know i would have been great in.
after i left the show i felt kind of affirmed that i was created to act and that i really do have talent blah blah blah.
so then i start thinking, well if i'm supposedly made for this, when exactly is something gonna happen for me?
when am i going to get a job?
when are things gonna start getting going?

that's when the thought hit me.
who is in charge of my destiny, my LIFE?

if i'm so supposedly reliant on God then where is my patience.
i've claimed to know that everything is going to happen in his timing yet i'm too busy tapping my foot while looking at my own clock.
there's something extremely backwards about me saying that i know that God has an ultimate plan for me but still questioning where my life is headed and when it's going to pick up.
we as a culture are so consumed by the ideal of instant gratification, that the moment there is any presence of lagging, we start to complain and try to do things ourselves.

the definition of patience is simply amazing.
CALMLY enduring pain or trying situations.
slap in the face.

i always want to simply get frustrated when things aren't going my way.
but patience is a virtue, dang it and therefore, i should be CALMLY enduring trials.

CALMLY.

calmly.