Well HELLO 6 months time. I haven't written a single thing in 6 months, and for that I am a bit ashamed but I'm here now so you can quit your yammerin.
I'm here to tell you that everything is alright. I'm doing alright. I'm not doing anything much different than I was 6 months ago. There are really no new developments. Sorry to disappoint.
I played my guitar for the first time in a VERY long time. My fingertips are sore but my heart is full. The guitar is still a bit dusty but it's tuned! I can't explain the sheer joy I get from making music; there is something that just clicks with everything in the world when I sing and I just don't get that feeling from anything else. When I sing, nothing else in the world matters. Stress disappears, anger dissipates, worry subsides and it is just me and my guitar/piano/instrumental track/silence and nothing else and it's perfect. There's a release that happens when I'm singing in my "sweet spot" that I can't even explain. Even if I could, I probably wouldn't for fear of sounding too cheesy. I have this secret love for all things cheesy and emotional but an I have an even bigger part of me that is embarrassed by people who put that cheesiness/emotion on display (mostly theatre kids or high school girls who think they're in love) so I'll refrain from the sappiness for the time being.
I realized something the other day that kind of shocked me. I'm afraid of A LOT. That's not what shocked me though, I already knew that. I was surprised that one of those fears includes hanging out with people for the first time one on one. I'm not just talking about romantically, I mean just regular old friendships or anything that includes just me and another person. I'm so afraid that the other person won't think I'm fun! I always feel legitimately uneasy about the first time and then eventually when I do hang out one on one, I just keep talking and act super awkward. I've just noticed it recently and I really hate it. Random and ridiculous, I know but I needed to get it off my chest and into cyberspace.
I have plenty more to share but I'm pretty tired and the old thinker doesn't do to well with exhaustion so I'm going to take my grandma self to bed and hopefully do some more blogging this week. I very much miss this. I'll be back though, I promise.
Goodnight <3>
I'm here to tell you that everything is alright. I'm doing alright. I'm not doing anything much different than I was 6 months ago. There are really no new developments. Sorry to disappoint.
I played my guitar for the first time in a VERY long time. My fingertips are sore but my heart is full. The guitar is still a bit dusty but it's tuned! I can't explain the sheer joy I get from making music; there is something that just clicks with everything in the world when I sing and I just don't get that feeling from anything else. When I sing, nothing else in the world matters. Stress disappears, anger dissipates, worry subsides and it is just me and my guitar/piano/instrumental track/silence and nothing else and it's perfect. There's a release that happens when I'm singing in my "sweet spot" that I can't even explain. Even if I could, I probably wouldn't for fear of sounding too cheesy. I have this secret love for all things cheesy and emotional but an I have an even bigger part of me that is embarrassed by people who put that cheesiness/emotion on display (mostly theatre kids or high school girls who think they're in love) so I'll refrain from the sappiness for the time being.
I realized something the other day that kind of shocked me. I'm afraid of A LOT. That's not what shocked me though, I already knew that. I was surprised that one of those fears includes hanging out with people for the first time one on one. I'm not just talking about romantically, I mean just regular old friendships or anything that includes just me and another person. I'm so afraid that the other person won't think I'm fun! I always feel legitimately uneasy about the first time and then eventually when I do hang out one on one, I just keep talking and act super awkward. I've just noticed it recently and I really hate it. Random and ridiculous, I know but I needed to get it off my chest and into cyberspace.
I have plenty more to share but I'm pretty tired and the old thinker doesn't do to well with exhaustion so I'm going to take my grandma self to bed and hopefully do some more blogging this week. I very much miss this. I'll be back though, I promise.
Goodnight <3>
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