A lot of people want to know how they can be like me. (I mean, let's face it, I'm smart, funny and beautiful, who wouldn't want to be like me?) Well, listed below are 9 very important rules that I follow. If you want to be like me, or just live a better life, follow these rules.
1. Never take your hair down from a ponytail (or any "up" do) if you do not have immediate access to a mirror (or any reflective surface) to check the status of the "up" removal situation.
2. Listening to Christmas music is reserved for December 1-December 31.*
(Christmas music is a privilege not a right)
3. Never look lost when walking around somewhere unfamiliar.
3a. Never look at a map located in the unfamiliar location::often located in malls/parks/large schools.*
(it may be easier to ask someone for directions or look at a map to find the desired destination but embarrassment is not easily hidden, even if you are wandering aimlessly for over an hour before you finally find 4e where your drama class is.)
4. Know important parts in "important" books, movies and TV shows.
(You don't want to get caught in a group conversation where you're the only one with nothing to contribute. Even if you only know a very famous quote or situation, say what you know, then people will think you've seen it. Essentially, Sparknotes yourself.)
5. Never untag yourself from an unflattering photo on facebook.
(When I see someone in an unflattering picture and try to tag them, which I've only done once, but not to be spiteful, and it says "the person has previously untagged themselves", my first thought is 'wow, that's improper grammar'. My next thought is that this person doesn't want people to think he/she looks like this. But guess what, if a picture caught it, you obviously have the capability of looking that way, the same goes for the opposite though, so if you look way prettier in the picture, know that you have the ability to look that way, too.)
6. If you're not funny, have a sense of humor.
(Not everyone can be funny, only some of us get to enjoy that luxury. BUT, in order to make a significant contribution to this world WITHOUT being funny, or like curing cancer or something, you have to have a sense of humor. If you can at least laugh at the funny things your funny friends say, you'll be just fine. Chances are you'll glean a little bit of humor from them and be able to contribute your own little funny...eventually)
7. Memorize all the words to at least ONE rap song.*
8. Sistah's before mistas or Bros before hoes.
(Yes, this rule is old but it NEVER fails. Obviously there are situations where choosing your mista/hoe is necessary but it's rare. The people who will ALWAYS be there for you are your girls/bros, don't ditch them for a fling, trust me, it's not worth it. In order to tell if your friend is the kind of "bro/sistah" that should not be ditched, you can know by the simple fact that if you did (unfortunately) break this rule, he or she would still be there for you.)
9. Always wear your sunglasses inside a room and remove them after you've taken seven steps.
WARNING: If your life isn't amazing after you've followed these guidelines, there's nothing I can really do about it, sorry.
*amendments:
(2) One may begin listening to Christmas music on the day after Thanksgiving aka Black Friday if one so desires and may continue listening through January 14.
(3a)One may look at a map ONLY by walking past said map multiple times and slightly slowing down to try to subtly see where desired destination is located. It is important that no one notices this act.
(7)If one mainly listens to rap, replace "rap" with "country" or "pop rock".
1. Never take your hair down from a ponytail (or any "up" do) if you do not have immediate access to a mirror (or any reflective surface) to check the status of the "up" removal situation.
2. Listening to Christmas music is reserved for December 1-December 31.*
(Christmas music is a privilege not a right)
3. Never look lost when walking around somewhere unfamiliar.
3a. Never look at a map located in the unfamiliar location::often located in malls/parks/large schools.*
(it may be easier to ask someone for directions or look at a map to find the desired destination but embarrassment is not easily hidden, even if you are wandering aimlessly for over an hour before you finally find 4e where your drama class is.)
4. Know important parts in "important" books, movies and TV shows.
(You don't want to get caught in a group conversation where you're the only one with nothing to contribute. Even if you only know a very famous quote or situation, say what you know, then people will think you've seen it. Essentially, Sparknotes yourself.)
5. Never untag yourself from an unflattering photo on facebook.
(When I see someone in an unflattering picture and try to tag them, which I've only done once, but not to be spiteful, and it says "the person has previously untagged themselves", my first thought is 'wow, that's improper grammar'. My next thought is that this person doesn't want people to think he/she looks like this. But guess what, if a picture caught it, you obviously have the capability of looking that way, the same goes for the opposite though, so if you look way prettier in the picture, know that you have the ability to look that way, too.)
6. If you're not funny, have a sense of humor.
(Not everyone can be funny, only some of us get to enjoy that luxury. BUT, in order to make a significant contribution to this world WITHOUT being funny, or like curing cancer or something, you have to have a sense of humor. If you can at least laugh at the funny things your funny friends say, you'll be just fine. Chances are you'll glean a little bit of humor from them and be able to contribute your own little funny...eventually)
7. Memorize all the words to at least ONE rap song.*
8. Sistah's before mistas or Bros before hoes.
(Yes, this rule is old but it NEVER fails. Obviously there are situations where choosing your mista/hoe is necessary but it's rare. The people who will ALWAYS be there for you are your girls/bros, don't ditch them for a fling, trust me, it's not worth it. In order to tell if your friend is the kind of "bro/sistah" that should not be ditched, you can know by the simple fact that if you did (unfortunately) break this rule, he or she would still be there for you.)
9. Always wear your sunglasses inside a room and remove them after you've taken seven steps.
WARNING: If your life isn't amazing after you've followed these guidelines, there's nothing I can really do about it, sorry.
*amendments:
(2) One may begin listening to Christmas music on the day after Thanksgiving aka Black Friday if one so desires and may continue listening through January 14.
(3a)One may look at a map ONLY by walking past said map multiple times and slightly slowing down to try to subtly see where desired destination is located. It is important that no one notices this act.
(7)If one mainly listens to rap, replace "rap" with "country" or "pop rock".
Obsessed with the Sunglasses + Seven Steps rule.
ReplyDeleteI mean it just makes sense. You're cool and mysterious while still maintaining an element of respect by removing them once inside.
ReplyDeleteIt's worked for me!