oh dear.
my blog has been the victim of neglect.
i sincerely apologize.
everyday i tell myself that i am going to make time, in the midst of craziness, to blog.
yet somehow, life keeps popping up making it impossible to get a good thought out.
it will happen though.
once opening night comes for the show, the week will be less busy and i'll make time for you.
promise.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
i'm talking bout hey now!
gosh, i've been meaning to blog about how this is a new year and i'm all excited for it.
i wanted to write and publish it on the 1st of January because it seemed appropriate.
obviously that didn't happen and here i am.
it's the 11th of january and i've already written a blog completely unrelated to the new year.
well, better late than never, i suppose.
i'm going to start with this.
i started writing a "New Year's Day" blog (like using pen and paper...old school, i know) because, like i said, i had a plan. so here's what i had written:
It's New Years Day. January 1, 2010. I've known for the last 3 weeks that I was going to write a new year's blog- i just didn't know what i was going to say. my new year's eve was actually really great and i think it was very predictive about what my 2010 is going to be about. I began my new year by praising God. I went to church with some friends and felt the presence of God so much.
That's as far as i got.
This excites me in so many ways.
The aspirations i set for myself are never too big to attain. I want them to be reachable but difficult. Looking at the things i wrote makes me extremely proud of "10 days ago me".
I have begun a journey of tremendous growth and maturity that i don't want to end.
That's really all i have to say about that.
i'm just so very excited for 2010 and i know that there are so many great things to come.
i wanted to write and publish it on the 1st of January because it seemed appropriate.
obviously that didn't happen and here i am.
it's the 11th of january and i've already written a blog completely unrelated to the new year.
well, better late than never, i suppose.
i'm going to start with this.
i started writing a "New Year's Day" blog (like using pen and paper...old school, i know) because, like i said, i had a plan. so here's what i had written:
It's New Years Day. January 1, 2010. I've known for the last 3 weeks that I was going to write a new year's blog- i just didn't know what i was going to say. my new year's eve was actually really great and i think it was very predictive about what my 2010 is going to be about. I began my new year by praising God. I went to church with some friends and felt the presence of God so much.
That's as far as i got.
This excites me in so many ways.
The aspirations i set for myself are never too big to attain. I want them to be reachable but difficult. Looking at the things i wrote makes me extremely proud of "10 days ago me".
I have begun a journey of tremendous growth and maturity that i don't want to end.
That's really all i have to say about that.
i'm just so very excited for 2010 and i know that there are so many great things to come.
Monday, January 4, 2010
let that be enough
I do my best thinking when i'm in my car driving on a long, empty road with nothing but my music playing.
I love putting my ipod on shuffle because for some reason it always chooses a song i would never choose but is a song that i need to hear.
If you don't know me, or haven't noticed, i am a FIRM believer in the power of music.
I think there is something compelling and influential about music that really can't be explained.
so today's lesson comes from when i was driving home from rehearsal.
my ipod chose switchfoot's Let That Be Enough.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like Switchfoot, but i went through an obsessed phase and am now out of it so it's not usually that appealing to me, and the majority of the time they come up on my shuffle, i usually just shuffle right on past the song.
but this time was different, i saw the title and was like, "i might need to hear this song".
I DID.
the song spoke to me in a way that really just made me want to start weeping (but i was driving and my weeping is really messy and not good while driving :D).
these are the lyrics:
wish i had what i needed
to be on my own
cuz i feel so defeated
and im feeling alone
and it all seems so helpless
and i have no plans
im a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land
and all i see it could never make me happy
and all my sandcastles spend their tiume collapsing.
let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
and let that be enough
its my birthday tomorrrow
no one here could know
i was born this thursday
22 years ago
and i feel stuck watching history repeating
and who am i just a kid who knows he's needing
let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
le t me know that you love me
and let that be enough
let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
and let that be enough
so many things in that song directly relate to what i'm going through right now.
but the most important part that i want to focus on is when he says "let me know that you love me and let that be enough"
i know that for me, i'm constantly crying out to God saying things like that.
asking him to show me his love.
telling him to let me know that my prayers aren't falling on deaf ears.
longing for him to wrap his loving arms around me and let me know he's there.
the problem is, once i get those things, i still want more.
i want answered prayers, i want instant changes, i want tangible evidence that these things are actually happening but if i would just let knowing that he hears me, touches me, and loves me, be enough, i wouldn't need all that other stuff.
His love is sufficient for me (yeah, i know that's not how it goes-but it's still true) and not with a grip of add-ons.
Kids, this week is going to be spent working on letting God be enough for me.
hold me to it.
anyway...i can already foresee a lot of complaining in my future but i will eventually get to a point where i won't do it anymore.
it's weird, i already know a lot of things that i don't know. you can quote me on that :D
I love putting my ipod on shuffle because for some reason it always chooses a song i would never choose but is a song that i need to hear.
If you don't know me, or haven't noticed, i am a FIRM believer in the power of music.
I think there is something compelling and influential about music that really can't be explained.
so today's lesson comes from when i was driving home from rehearsal.
my ipod chose switchfoot's Let That Be Enough.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like Switchfoot, but i went through an obsessed phase and am now out of it so it's not usually that appealing to me, and the majority of the time they come up on my shuffle, i usually just shuffle right on past the song.
but this time was different, i saw the title and was like, "i might need to hear this song".
I DID.
the song spoke to me in a way that really just made me want to start weeping (but i was driving and my weeping is really messy and not good while driving :D).
these are the lyrics:
wish i had what i needed
to be on my own
cuz i feel so defeated
and im feeling alone
and it all seems so helpless
and i have no plans
im a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land
and all i see it could never make me happy
and all my sandcastles spend their tiume collapsing.
let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
and let that be enough
its my birthday tomorrrow
no one here could know
i was born this thursday
22 years ago
and i feel stuck watching history repeating
and who am i just a kid who knows he's needing
let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
le t me know that you love me
and let that be enough
let me know that you hear me
let me know your touch
let me know that you love me
and let that be enough
so many things in that song directly relate to what i'm going through right now.
but the most important part that i want to focus on is when he says "let me know that you love me and let that be enough"
i know that for me, i'm constantly crying out to God saying things like that.
asking him to show me his love.
telling him to let me know that my prayers aren't falling on deaf ears.
longing for him to wrap his loving arms around me and let me know he's there.
the problem is, once i get those things, i still want more.
i want answered prayers, i want instant changes, i want tangible evidence that these things are actually happening but if i would just let knowing that he hears me, touches me, and loves me, be enough, i wouldn't need all that other stuff.
His love is sufficient for me (yeah, i know that's not how it goes-but it's still true) and not with a grip of add-ons.
Kids, this week is going to be spent working on letting God be enough for me.
hold me to it.
anyway...i can already foresee a lot of complaining in my future but i will eventually get to a point where i won't do it anymore.
it's weird, i already know a lot of things that i don't know. you can quote me on that :D
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Go On and Sing, Boy!
today was a great day.
i spent all day in some baggy shorts and a TMZ shirt.
i worked on a song that i came up with last night.
the song changed three different times but the last change gave the song a BLUES-y feel and that's what I'm sticking to.
It felt so great to just be a musician for the day.
I pulled out my guitar a couple times and hammered out some chords and then i would just "tickle the ivories" and sometimes i would just sing as loud as i could-loving the musical beauty that God has given me.
I complain a lot about what musical talents I'm lacking but i truly love music.
it's crazy insane how much music affects me.
thank God for it though.
Matt Giraud has a song called Go On and Sing, Boy and there's a line in it that says:
"let the music bring you joy. cuz i know that down deep i was meant for this one thing. so come on baby why don't you sing?"
Seriously, a message can be brought to us in so many ways and this song just spoke to me the moment i heard it. (and at perfect timing too!)
anyway...I'm working on life. working real hard and i know that down deep i was meant for something great.
i spent all day in some baggy shorts and a TMZ shirt.
i worked on a song that i came up with last night.
the song changed three different times but the last change gave the song a BLUES-y feel and that's what I'm sticking to.
It felt so great to just be a musician for the day.
I pulled out my guitar a couple times and hammered out some chords and then i would just "tickle the ivories" and sometimes i would just sing as loud as i could-loving the musical beauty that God has given me.
I complain a lot about what musical talents I'm lacking but i truly love music.
it's crazy insane how much music affects me.
thank God for it though.
Matt Giraud has a song called Go On and Sing, Boy and there's a line in it that says:
"let the music bring you joy. cuz i know that down deep i was meant for this one thing. so come on baby why don't you sing?"
Seriously, a message can be brought to us in so many ways and this song just spoke to me the moment i heard it. (and at perfect timing too!)
anyway...I'm working on life. working real hard and i know that down deep i was meant for something great.
in my head like a song on the radio.
everyday i try to remember that God has given me talents
and it's extremely hard to really understand what those talents are.
people tell me i have a good singing voice but all i can do is compare it to other people who are better than me.
my struggle really lies in using the gifts i have been given.
i know there is some special purpose God has for my gifts and talents and i know he doesn't want to see me letting them go to waste but I'm concerned that what I think are my talents are not necessarily my talents and that I'm overlooking a gift that God wants me to use.
it's really just a constant struggle i suppose.
I often think about how life would be different had one circumstance changed.
For instance, had I not gone to Biola.
or if I had a different roommate.
Or had I more aggressively pursued an acting career.
Sometimes i become engulfed in my potential life that I begin to either praise Jesus that I made the choice i did or become upset that I didn't choose something.
Obviously (if you've been paying attention) I'm more inclined to choose the latter.
I begin to regret decisions or try to make up for them in the "now" but rather than dwelling on the past, i need to look forward.
Only my future can be changed now, and if i walk in a manner worthy, I'm sure the things God has called me to will come to pass.
I'm a little discouraged about the future though.
For the longest, I've wanted to move to New York City after graduation and i had a rough outlined plan of making that happen.
It was exciting because i was hearing all these success stories of my friends moving there and loving being in the city and never really wanting to come back.
BUT lately-
of course, I keep hearing discouraging things about the whole situation.
I don't have a job there and a friend who just moved back to LA said she couldn't find a job so she HAD to come back.
now I'm having trouble seeing this as either a sign or a distraction by the devil to keep me from fulfilling my purpose.
I don't know.
too difficult to decide right now.
Anywho...Christmas was great!
I love seeing my extended family and being around all my cousins and aunts and uncles and random people that come to eat the BEST food that really ever has existed.
I'm also super excited for my new baby:
It's a Casio CDP-100. I have no idea what that means but it makes beautiful music and i LOVE it.
Anyway...I should probably sleep now. I haven't gotten much for the last few days. It's just hard for me to sleep when i feel like i have songs going through my head.
Goodnight my dearies.
and it's extremely hard to really understand what those talents are.
people tell me i have a good singing voice but all i can do is compare it to other people who are better than me.
my struggle really lies in using the gifts i have been given.
i know there is some special purpose God has for my gifts and talents and i know he doesn't want to see me letting them go to waste but I'm concerned that what I think are my talents are not necessarily my talents and that I'm overlooking a gift that God wants me to use.
it's really just a constant struggle i suppose.
I often think about how life would be different had one circumstance changed.
For instance, had I not gone to Biola.
or if I had a different roommate.
Or had I more aggressively pursued an acting career.
Sometimes i become engulfed in my potential life that I begin to either praise Jesus that I made the choice i did or become upset that I didn't choose something.
Obviously (if you've been paying attention) I'm more inclined to choose the latter.
I begin to regret decisions or try to make up for them in the "now" but rather than dwelling on the past, i need to look forward.
Only my future can be changed now, and if i walk in a manner worthy, I'm sure the things God has called me to will come to pass.
I'm a little discouraged about the future though.
For the longest, I've wanted to move to New York City after graduation and i had a rough outlined plan of making that happen.
It was exciting because i was hearing all these success stories of my friends moving there and loving being in the city and never really wanting to come back.
BUT lately-
of course, I keep hearing discouraging things about the whole situation.
I don't have a job there and a friend who just moved back to LA said she couldn't find a job so she HAD to come back.
now I'm having trouble seeing this as either a sign or a distraction by the devil to keep me from fulfilling my purpose.
I don't know.
too difficult to decide right now.
Anywho...Christmas was great!
I love seeing my extended family and being around all my cousins and aunts and uncles and random people that come to eat the BEST food that really ever has existed.
I'm also super excited for my new baby:
It's a Casio CDP-100. I have no idea what that means but it makes beautiful music and i LOVE it.
Anyway...I should probably sleep now. I haven't gotten much for the last few days. It's just hard for me to sleep when i feel like i have songs going through my head.
Goodnight my dearies.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
don't cry for me, argentina.
i really hate how short the last few posts have been but i have something coming.
i promise.
i promise.
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