golly gee willickers

excuse me while i take a huge breath and let it out before i start this post.
okay. thanks.

Soooo...i wrote about my anger not too long ago and I'm realizing now that I've been going about things a little wrong.
sure, i realized my anger was affecting the way i handled situations but when it came to apologize, i still felt the need to criticize the way others handled their part in the situation.
Friends, let me tell you, when i get to thinking about how i can be better, it's usually really good but also not good.
it's good because i make a huge realization and come up with a way to change it.
it's not good because...i have to humble myself and change my behavior.
For me, that is NOT easy.
okay so here i am thinking about what I'm going to say to the guy that made me mad yesterday.
and of course I'm going to apologize but also I'm going to make him aware of what he did wrong too so that he, like me, will be able to learn from it and move on as a better person.
here's the problem, it is not my job to let him know what he is doing wrong.
i realize that as a Christian we are called to confront in love, but in my case, i think i would be doing it to keep from being so vulnerable. i wouldn't want to make myself open for judgment or even show that i was wrong.
that is wrong.
so i began thinking about how Jesus would approach this situation, then i remembered that he never needed to apologize because, oh wait...HE WAS PERFECT!
so then I'm like, well in the situation where someone wronged him, he would simply forgive the person.
there were people who wanted him killed in the most excruciating way possible, and he still forgave them.

then i remembered this song by India.Arie called Wings of Forgiveness where she says,"If Jesus can forgive crucifixion, surely I can survive and find a resolution."

ugh.
seriously, sometimes i just wish i could not reflect on things I've done and live a guilt-free life.
unfortunately, i was blessed with a HUGE, overbearing conscience and these wrongs must be righted.
can you hear the motors running in my head trying to come up with an excuse to not love my enemies?
anyway, we'll see how things go but I'm sure things will end up better than they started.
Jesus knows what he's talking about when he tells us to love one another just as God loves us. Eek!